Tuesday, September 1, 2009
A successful single woman with just about everything going for her makes you want to ask the question, "Why is she single?" We've already talked about how men are many times intimidated by well-to-do professional women. These men run from the notion of a woman making more money and having more status than him. Some women, tired of continuously seeing men shy away from them, begin a more aggressive pursuit of the right man for them. When she finally "catches" who she feels is the ideal man for her, seems like she all of a sudden opens up the floodgates of her possessions to him in order to keep him. Let's analyze this.
First, let's clarify that we are currently talking about a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship (we will deal with the husband-wife relationship later on). The characteristics and personality traits of this man along with his stable career path and potential leadership capabilities make him extremely compatible to this now joyous woman. Similar to a fisherman catching that rare prize fish, the woman wants to do everything she can to appease this man and keep him around. She may let him drive her car; she'll pay for meals; she'll let him stay over at her house and here's the biggie: she'll just about do anything in the "bedroom" (use your imagination; I'm trying to keep this article clean!). Seems like nothing is off limits with the girlfriend.
Things are going so well with this couple that the man makes the ultimate decision and pops the big question to which the woman ecstatically accepts. They walk the aisle (jump the broom), go on the romantic honeymoon and finally settle down together in the house. Somewhere down the line, the transformation begins with the woman. For some reason, she is not as generous with her possessions as she was before; she does not cook meals as much anymore and here's the biggie: she got "bedroom time" virtually on lockdown! What happened? Now that you have the man legally committed to you, you don't feel obligated to share yourself with him anymore? How are you going to be sporadic in giving your husband some conjugal time and then expect him not to have an affair? Bottom line: How come you had your legs and lips open as a girlfriend, but your legs and lips closed as a wife?
What are your thoughts on this? Please click on the word COMMENTS below and give us your thoughts. After you type your comment in the box, drill down to "Anonymous" and your comment will post after approval. Thank you for your participation!
Monday, August 10, 2009
Halle Berry's role in the movie "Monster's Ball" gave the noted actress heightened credence and made her even that more acceptable and attractive to a great number of men, particularly white men. Now, as much as marrying someone like a Halle Berry may seem like a dream come true, in reality it could turn into a devilish nightmare. The lure of the fame and fortune can overshadow all the baggage she can introduce into a new relationship. Berry has been divorced twice, so what makes you think "the third time will be the charm"? Let's not forget that the media will have cameras and microphones all in your face day and night. Plus, if you want to marry her strictly for the money, that does not make you much of a real man. Bottom line, in my opinion, Halle Berry is overrated especially in terms of being a long-term mate.
So, let's talk about the "lady next door". She is your everyday, professional-style woman with a solid job/career; very confident in herself and knows what she wants. Here is someone that if you invest time in her, she will do the same for you and both of you can build a solid relationship. If her past personal life is stable, there should be very little drama to deal with. Here is a key point: similar to "Halle Berry", the professional woman may make more money than you, but are you going to let that factor intimidate you and influence your relationship decision making? Women are looking for men who can provide not just the tangibles (material things), but can provide more of the intangibles (emotional and intellectual companionship).
So, what would you choose? Let's hear from you! Please click on the word COMMENTS below and give us your thoughts.
Friday, July 10, 2009
A week after McNair’s murder, former world boxing champion Arturo Gatti was found strangled to death in a hotel room in Brazil. Police have charged his 23-year-old wife with his murder.
The Steve McNair case still has some people scratching their heads. It seemed like the man had everything going for him. A successful NFL career; a good wife; 4 handsome boys in the house I'm sure he loved and adored. What in the world made him stray to this young 20-year old thing who seemingly had nothing going for her? What is the attraction to someone who on the surface did not seem to have anything in common with him? Well, in my estimation, there must have been some trouble in his marriage for him to seek comfort from another woman. Of course, being a high-profile professional athlete will make you attractive to many of the opposite sex (even those of the same sex, but that is another discussion). Curiosity is certainly a viable factor, but that should not persuade one to engage in inappropriate activity. Considering the reported facts in this case, this appears to be a probable case of "fatal attraction". McNair may have tried to break it up with Kazemi and she took the stance of: "If I can't have you, no one can."
Who knows what happened with Gatti; but it looks like the wife shot him down (no pun intended) before he could get in any trouble. What are your thoughts? Click on the word COMMENTS below and let's hear from you.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Let's hear what you think! Please click on COMMENTS below and let's continue the conversation.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Now, you also have contingency benefits such as life insurance, short-term/long-term disability, etc. You feel the same way about having the best for your children, but for some reason, you do not totally feel the same way about your husband. This is evident from hearing statements such as: “I ain’t leaving him nothing!”; “All my money is going to my kids!”. What is the reasoning for this? What has this man done so wrong to you that you’re basically going to leave him high and dry in the event of your sudden death? If he has done something to you that you feel has hurt you that bad, then why are you still married to him now? This is puzzling! Ladies, please help me out! Please leave your responses below; let’s hear your comments.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
The husband has an affair. The mistress wants to reconcile with the wife. If you are the wife, how do you handle this delicate situation that can easily become explosive? We want to hear ALL points of view on this one! Please leave comments below. Thanks!
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
There is an old adage that says, "silence is golden". This may be applicable in certain situations such as not responding to someone who is making disagreeable remarks about an issue; especially if you are at work or in a place where it would be awkward or uncomfortable to start a debate. However, many will agree that communication is a key element in maintaining a successful relationship. Instead of remaining silent and keeping all that vent up frustration inside until you reach the boiling point, your mate would rather see you express your feelings more immediately, even if it is in an argumentative fashion, so they'll know what is going on in your head and in your heart. Then, after the argument, when things simmer down a bit, you may be surprised to get a little post-argument make-up "treat" (bang bang bang).
When it comes to communication with your mate, silence is not golden but rather it is yellow like the color of piss. If your mate gives you the silent treatment during an argument, it feels like you are being pissed on. Now, let's hear your responses. Please click on the "COMMENTS" below and continue the conversation. All points of view welcome and encouraged. Thanks!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Some things change about individuals as relationships grow and develop. Some changes are more radical than others. What is the best way to handle these relationship changes? It depends on the type of change and how extreme it is. If one truly values his/her relationship with their spouse/mate, they will invest additional time working on the emotional, intellectual and mental aspects in order to adequately manage those relationship changes. Notice I said, "manage the changes" and not "change the person". Attempting to change the person will cause a larger rift which will be even more difficult to mend. If you meet someone and your intention is to change them to the way you want them, you may be asking for big trouble down the line.
Now, to address our topic, some people decide to handle relationship change by changing mates thinking, "There has to be someone out there better." This may be true in addressing the issues you had with your former mate, but now that you have a new mate, you now have a whole new set of issues to deal with. Some of the grass may be greener, but some of the weeds may be taller and thicker. Do you think it is more worthwhile to stay and work it out, or should all opportunities be explored? Let's hear your thoughts! Please click on the word COMMENTS below to leave a response.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Valentine's Day ranks among the top 3 greeting card holidays in terms of sales. Other items that generate high dollar sales for Valentine's Day are chocolates, flowers, balloons and restaurant meals. Intimate apparel also attracts attention. Some people go all out to impress their special someone sparing no expense; while others could really care less about receiving cards, flowers, gifts and waiting hours in line for a seat at a local restaurant. From some of the feedback I have received personally, I dare say home pizza delivery business was booming this past Saturday.
Some people take the Valentine's Day opportunity to privately renew their marriage vows; while others conversely break up with their mates right before the holiday to avoid the affectionate expenditures. Well, now that the chocolates have been devoured; the balloons have lost air; the flowers are wilting and the restaurant leftovers have invaded the refrigerator, where do you go from here? What was your incentive for buying those gifts and making those reservations at the restaurants and hotels? Was spending all that money a wise investment in the long term health of your relationship; or did you just get caught up in the vast commercialism of the holiday?
Let's hear your comments! Please click on the word COMMENTS below and give us your take on this. Again, you may leave an anonymous response if you choose. Thanks!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Some of this reasoning refers back to items mentioned in a previous post. The ego factor is a major contributor in assessing men's behavior around women. In the man's mind, he feels the need to display to the woman that he knows how to handle his business and can take care of her as well. In the process, he wants to make sure all his "i's are dotted and t's are crossed" thus, the subsequent nervousness surfaces.
Now, let's take a look at the woman's perspective on this. Women tend to subtly be detail-oriented when it comes to examining men. For example, they will ask questions to themselves like: "Is his hair neatly groomed? Is he color-coordinated? Are his shoes clean/new? Does he wear brand-name clothing? Does he have all his teeth? Is his breath bad?" etc. Some women will even go as far as check to see if the man has a "bulge" sufficient enough to suit their taste. Although all these questions are visually asked within a few seconds, when a man feels like he is being thoroughly checked out, that's when the nerves kick into high gear and it becomes an all-out attempt to keep that woman from saying "no".
What is your take on this? Please click on the word "COMMENTS" below and let's continue the conversation. All points of view are welcomed and encouraged. Reminder: you can leave an anonymous comment if you choose. Thanks!
Friday, February 6, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Insecurity. Because most professional women possess an abundance of confidence in themselves, this causes some men to lose confidence that they can make a significant impression on the woman. A woman wants a man who has enough confidence to take care of himself and make his woman feel secure as well.
Intimidation. Established women strike a certain amount of fear into some men to the point that the man will prejudge the woman by thinking, "She'll try to run all over me and tell me what to do! It's not happening." Sometimes this is caused merely by the woman's possessions.
Incompatibility. Since most professional women already have the "tangible" life items (the house, car, income, etc.), many women are looking for the "intangible" items from the man (emotional, intellectual and interpersonal stimulation, etc.). Proper physical stimulation is important as well, but that does not solely refer to aggressive sexual contact. Many men believe sexual assertiveness will win the woman over. If all the man has is bedroom skills but nothing else to offer, a smart woman would not start a relationship with this type of man (key word: a smart woman).
Inferiority. The man will feel less of a man if he does not meet up to the standards of the woman. She has a master's degree, he has a bachelor's degree or less; she drives a BMW or Lexus, he drives a compact car or is on the bus; she has a huge home, he has a smaller house, rents an apartment or lives with his mama. All these factors contribute to an inferiority complex in the man and can cause a decrease in his self-esteem.
I call this the "I-centered" philosophy because men have a tendency to focus a relationship around themselves and not adequately include the woman as part of the conversation. Men, I think you need to step your game up and stop trying to win the ladies over with the "gangsta thug" mentality. The strong, smart, professional women are not going for it. Now, we want your spin on this. All supporting and opposing points of view are welcomed and encouraged. Please click on the word "COMMENTS" below.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Using introductory statements and phrases that refer to a woman's sex appeal and/or to her superior body (private) parts portrays an intention of immediately pursuing sexual relations even though there has been very little verbal communication other than, "Damn, you sexy!" or "Damn, you gotta phat booty." This is so inappropriate! Again, fellas, let's start with a "hello" or "hi" followed by your name and some sane type of ice-breaker conversation that does not have any sexual overtones. If you start off the interaction in the incorrect manner, you will doom the relationship and it will never get started. Ladies, if you run into guys that feed you this crap, keep it moving!
All supporting and opposing points of view are welcomed and encouraged. Please click on the word "COMMENTS" below.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Start off with a lunch date at a family friendly, medium priced restaurant (Applebees, Chili's, T.G.I. Friday, etc.). Avoid the fast-food joints! You can start with a light appetizer - something the two of you can share. I would not recommend alcoholic beverages, but if you are over 21, use your discretion but I would advise against excessive drinking on the first date. For your entree, order something in line with a lunch menu item. Depending on who asked whom out on the date will determine who should pay the tab. Now, fellas, if you really like this woman and want to make a positive impression, you will offer to pay the whole tab even if she is the one who asked you on the date. Think about it: if you really don't like her, then why did you go out on the date in the first place?
If things seem to be going well, be sure to exchange contact information (phone numbers, email, etc.) so you can make arrangements for the next date. The next date can be more extravagant, but we will talk about that later. Make sure the lady gets home safely, give her a soft kiss on the cheek and let her know you look forward to talking with her again soon.
So, what is NOT acceptable on the first date: excessive alcohol, loud and lewd behavior and offers for sex. Remember, this is my take on this - I'm married and haven't been on a first date in quite some time. We want to hear your take on this topic. To reply, please click on the word "COMMENTS" below and let's hear your spin.
Friday, January 9, 2009
In my experiences (most of my comments are based on my experiences), the most effective approach for a man to take is the one that will be best received by the woman based on her particular taste. In other words, you could more simply say, "birds of a feather flock together". Let's say, for example, you are attending an after hours social event at a bar/restaurant where the majority of people there appear to be working professionals dressed in suits or business casual attire. A woman there would most likely be turned off by a man who tried to step to her using the "gangsta" approach. In this setting, a man should properly introduce himself by giving his real name (at least his first name; no crazy nicknames), extend his hand for a gracious handshake and use an effective ice-breaker tactic like bringing up the latest current events. Mature, professional ladies love a man that can carry a great conversation, doesn't totally center the topic of conversation around himself, has a non-corny sense of humor, .....and for crying out loud can ya SMILE fellas? A smile at just the right time can be contagious and will lighten the atmosphere. The key word is personality. Making a personality connection is essential in making a favorable impression on a man or a woman.
Now, let's hear your thoughts on this. Click on the word "COMMENTS" below to leave your input. Remember, all comments are encouraged and welcomed, but please keep them within the blog guidelines. Thanks!
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Now, let me just lay out some ground rules up front so everyone knows what is and isn't acceptable in this blog. No relevant topic is off limits, however, please be sure any comments made are applicable to the topic. Please be respectful to the host and your fellow bloggers - DO NOT make personal attack comments to other blog members. We will be talking about "grown folks" subjects so feel free to be liberal with language, but please do not use excessive profanity and/or vulgarity. If things seem to be getting out of hand, then comments will be subject to modification or deletion at the discretion of the blog host.
Bottom line is: this is the NO DRAMA ZONE. Leave the drama at the door! Let's have fun discussing relationship topics without getting on each others nerves. I am always open for topic suggestions at any time. Please pass the word about this so we can liven up the conversation. Thank you for your interest and participation!