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Thursday, February 26, 2009

Is the grass really greener over there?

You are in a long-term committed relationship with your spouse or your mate and everything seems to be going great; except there is that one thing about that person that just isn't quite the same. It could be their looks, their personality, their self-esteem (confidence level); it could even be their religion or their political affiliation.

Some things change about individuals as relationships grow and develop. Some changes are more radical than others. What is the best way to handle these relationship changes? It depends on the type of change and how extreme it is. If one truly values his/her relationship with their spouse/mate, they will invest additional time working on the emotional, intellectual and mental aspects in order to adequately manage those relationship changes. Notice I said, "manage the changes" and not "change the person". Attempting to change the person will cause a larger rift which will be even more difficult to mend. If you meet someone and your intention is to change them to the way you want them, you may be asking for big trouble down the line.

Now, to address our topic, some people decide to handle relationship change by changing mates thinking, "There has to be someone out there better." This may be true in addressing the issues you had with your former mate, but now that you have a new mate, you now have a whole new set of issues to deal with. Some of the grass may be greener, but some of the weeds may be taller and thicker. Do you think it is more worthwhile to stay and work it out, or should all opportunities be explored? Let's hear your thoughts! Please click on the word COMMENTS below to leave a response.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Valentine's Day Hangover

How can I have a relationships blog without mentioning something about Valentine's Day? Well, now that the big day has past, let's briefly talk about the build-up and the aftermath.

Valentine's Day ranks among the top 3 greeting card holidays in terms of sales. Other items that generate high dollar sales for Valentine's Day are chocolates, flowers, balloons and restaurant meals. Intimate apparel also attracts attention. Some people go all out to impress their special someone sparing no expense; while others could really care less about receiving cards, flowers, gifts and waiting hours in line for a seat at a local restaurant. From some of the feedback I have received personally, I dare say home pizza delivery business was booming this past Saturday.

Some people take the Valentine's Day opportunity to privately renew their marriage vows; while others conversely break up with their mates right before the holiday to avoid the affectionate expenditures. Well, now that the chocolates have been devoured; the balloons have lost air; the flowers are wilting and the restaurant leftovers have invaded the refrigerator, where do you go from here? What was your incentive for buying those gifts and making those reservations at the restaurants and hotels? Was spending all that money a wise investment in the long term health of your relationship; or did you just get caught up in the vast commercialism of the holiday?

Let's hear your comments! Please click on the word COMMENTS below and give us your take on this. Again, you may leave an anonymous response if you choose. Thanks!

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Men's Fear of Rejection

Ladies: you meet a man at a club, bar, restaurant, etc.; you initiate conversation with him and just at the moment you express some interest in him, he seems to get very nervous, he stutters over his speech, seems to become clumsy and just overall falls apart. What is that all about? Are men really so scared of rejection that they lose their composure then they feel they find an ideal woman? Let's examine this topic for a few moments.

Some of this reasoning refers back to items mentioned in a previous post. The ego factor is a major contributor in assessing men's behavior around women. In the man's mind, he feels the need to display to the woman that he knows how to handle his business and can take care of her as well. In the process, he wants to make sure all his "i's are dotted and t's are crossed" thus, the subsequent nervousness surfaces.

Now, let's take a look at the woman's perspective on this. Women tend to subtly be detail-oriented when it comes to examining men. For example, they will ask questions to themselves like: "Is his hair neatly groomed? Is he color-coordinated? Are his shoes clean/new? Does he wear brand-name clothing? Does he have all his teeth? Is his breath bad?" etc. Some women will even go as far as check to see if the man has a "bulge" sufficient enough to suit their taste. Although all these questions are visually asked within a few seconds, when a man feels like he is being thoroughly checked out, that's when the nerves kick into high gear and it becomes an all-out attempt to keep that woman from saying "no".

What is your take on this? Please click on the word "COMMENTS" below and let's continue the conversation. All points of view are welcomed and encouraged. Reminder: you can leave an anonymous comment if you choose. Thanks!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Friends of the Opposite Gender

If you are in a marriage or committed relationship, where do you draw the line in terms of how your mate can interact with members of the opposite gender?