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Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Reasons Why Men Shy Away from Professional Women

Ladies: how many of you fit in this category: You're single; you own a home (or pay your own rent) and a vehicle; you have at least a Bachelor's Degree from a major college or university; you either own your own business or are traveling a successful career path; you have excellent credit; you have never been in trouble with the law and you do not abuse drugs but yet - you find it extremely difficult to find a good man who is willing to date you. So, what exactly is the problem here? What's wrong with professional women that they cannot find a man willing to date them? Is it really the woman's fault? (*pause*) Or is it the man's fault? Let's briefly look at four reasons men may not approach a strong professional woman.

Insecurity. Because most professional women possess an abundance of confidence in themselves, this causes some men to lose confidence that they can make a significant impression on the woman. A woman wants a man who has enough confidence to take care of himself and make his woman feel secure as well.

Intimidation. Established women strike a certain amount of fear into some men to the point that the man will prejudge the woman by thinking, "She'll try to run all over me and tell me what to do! It's not happening." Sometimes this is caused merely by the woman's possessions.

Incompatibility. Since most professional women already have the "tangible" life items (the house, car, income, etc.), many women are looking for the "intangible" items from the man (emotional, intellectual and interpersonal stimulation, etc.). Proper physical stimulation is important as well, but that does not solely refer to aggressive sexual contact. Many men believe sexual assertiveness will win the woman over. If all the man has is bedroom skills but nothing else to offer, a smart woman would not start a relationship with this type of man (key word: a smart woman).

Inferiority. The man will feel less of a man if he does not meet up to the standards of the woman. She has a master's degree, he has a bachelor's degree or less; she drives a BMW or Lexus, he drives a compact car or is on the bus; she has a huge home, he has a smaller house, rents an apartment or lives with his mama. All these factors contribute to an inferiority complex in the man and can cause a decrease in his self-esteem.

I call this the "I-centered" philosophy because men have a tendency to focus a relationship around themselves and not adequately include the woman as part of the conversation. Men, I think you need to step your game up and stop trying to win the ladies over with the "gangsta thug" mentality. The strong, smart, professional women are not going for it. Now, we want your spin on this. All supporting and opposing points of view are welcomed and encouraged. Please click on the word "COMMENTS" below.


  1. Dave, you make some good points here, but, whenever I hear points like these made, I wonder if there's some over-thinking going on. What if guys just don't find the woman attractive or she carries herself in a way that make her appear to not be interested? Don't get me wrong...the reason you laid out apply for some men, but it can also be much simpler than that.

  2. Marquis, let's take out the "unattractive" and "seem to be not interested" pieces and focus on the actual question, "Why Do Men Shy Away From Professional Women?" I find it interesting that both of your reasons focuses on the outwardly appearance of the women. With these reasons out of the equation, where do we go to find the answer? I find it puzzling that so many professional women especially Black women find their relationship category box checked “SINGLE.” If we go with your listed responses - unattractive, uninterested, or some other simple reason, I would like to understand, why are so many available women are without mates?

    I find myself in the professional woman category. I find myself either gaining the interest but not maintaining the interest or nothing at all. This phenomenon is somewhat disturbing because I have several single, professional, beautiful, talented, and sincere women and we can understand why we have this challenge.

    Please help us understand!

  3. A very interesting read, thanks for sharing. It's true about the intimidation aspect of it.