Reasons Why Men Shy Away from Professional Women

Ladies: how many of you fit in this category: You're single; you own a home (or pay your own rent) and a vehicle; you have at least a Bachelor's Degree from a major college or university; you either own your own business or are traveling a successful career path; you have excellent credit; you have never been in trouble with the law and you do not abuse drugs but yet - you find it extremely difficult to find a good man who is willing to date you. So, what exactly is the problem here? What's wrong with professional women that they cannot find a man willing to date them? Is it really the woman's fault? (*pause*) Or is it the man's fault? Let's briefly look at four reasons men may not approach a strong professional woman.

Insecurity. Because most professional women possess an abundance of confidence in themselves, this causes some men to lose confidence that they can make a significant impression on the woman. A woman wants a man who has enough confidence to take care of himself and make his woman feel secure as well.

Intimidation. Established women strike a certain amount of fear into some men to the point that the man will prejudge the woman by thinking, "She'll try to run all over me and tell me what to do! It's not happening." Sometimes this is caused merely by the woman's possessions.

Incompatibility. Since most professional women already have the "tangible" life items (the house, car, income, etc.), many women are looking for the "intangible" items from the man (emotional, intellectual and interpersonal stimulation, etc.). Proper physical stimulation is important as well, but that does not solely refer to aggressive sexual contact. Many men believe sexual assertiveness will win the woman over. If all the man has is bedroom skills but nothing else to offer, a smart woman would not start a relationship with this type of man (key word: a smart woman).

Inferiority. The man will feel less of a man if he does not meet up to the standards of the woman. She has a master's degree, he has a bachelor's degree or less; she drives a BMW or Lexus, he drives a compact car or is on the bus; she has a huge home, he has a smaller house, rents an apartment or lives with his mama. All these factors contribute to an inferiority complex in the man and can cause a decrease in his self-esteem.

I call this the "I-centered" philosophy because men have a tendency to focus a relationship around themselves and not adequately include the woman as part of the conversation. Men, I think you need to step your game up and stop trying to win the ladies over with the "gangsta thug" mentality. The strong, smart, professional women are not going for it. Now, we want your spin on this. All supporting and opposing points of view are welcomed and encouraged. Please click on the word "COMMENTS" below.

Seeing Beyond "Sexy"; What are you saying?

This is a spin-off from the "proper introduction" post down below. In recent conversations with some of my female colleagues, it seems that a great number of men these ladies meet for the first time have a tremendous failure to communicate. Apparently, none of these men read my post on how to make a proper introduction. Of course, my idea of a proper introduction may be too "professional" for their taste. Instead, I am being told the first thing that comes out of the guy's mouth is: "Damn, you sexy!" (or some rendition thereof).

Using introductory statements and phrases that refer to a woman's sex appeal and/or to her superior body (private) parts portrays an intention of immediately pursuing sexual relations even though there has been very little verbal communication other than, "Damn, you sexy!" or "Damn, you gotta phat booty." This is so inappropriate! Again, fellas, let's start with a "hello" or "hi" followed by your name and some sane type of ice-breaker conversation that does not have any sexual overtones. If you start off the interaction in the incorrect manner, you will doom the relationship and it will never get started. Ladies, if you run into guys that feed you this crap, keep it moving!

All supporting and opposing points of view are welcomed and encouraged. Please click on the word "COMMENTS" below.

Acceptable on the First Date

OK, now that we have properly introduced ourselves to each other, let's go ahead and set up the first date. The first date is the toughest one because you are still in that introductory phase of the relationship and there are still some impressions to be made. Although you want things to be really nice, you shouldn't go "all out" on the first date because if you do, your bar will be set so high it will be tough to beat on the next go-round. Plus, you may prematurly give off a commitment vibe to your partner.

Start off with a lunch date at a family friendly, medium priced restaurant (Applebees, Chili's, T.G.I. Friday, etc.). Avoid the fast-food joints! You can start with a light appetizer - something the two of you can share. I would not recommend alcoholic beverages, but if you are over 21, use your discretion but I would advise against excessive drinking on the first date. For your entree, order something in line with a lunch menu item. Depending on who asked whom out on the date will determine who should pay the tab. Now, fellas, if you really like this woman and want to make a positive impression, you will offer to pay the whole tab even if she is the one who asked you on the date. Think about it: if you really don't like her, then why did you go out on the date in the first place?

If things seem to be going well, be sure to exchange contact information (phone numbers, email, etc.) so you can make arrangements for the next date. The next date can be more extravagant, but we will talk about that later. Make sure the lady gets home safely, give her a soft kiss on the cheek and let her know you look forward to talking with her again soon.

So, what is NOT acceptable on the first date: excessive alcohol, loud and lewd behavior and offers for sex. Remember, this is my take on this - I'm married and haven't been on a first date in quite some time. We want to hear your take on this topic. To reply, please click on the word "COMMENTS" below and let's hear your spin.

Making an Effective Introduction

Since this is the first post to this blog, I thought it would be appropriate to begin with an "introductory" type topic. Many of you have heard the expression: "First impressions are lasting impressions". This is truly applicable when it comes to individuals introducing themselves to other for the first time; in particular, men initially introducing themselves to women. In some circles, this process is referred to as "stepping to". Different men use various methods when they are about to "step to" a lady. Some men attempt to impress women with a rough-style approach by utilizing a thuggish "gangsta" appearance; while others have a smooth and suave approach which encompasses a combination of a confident swagger along with flirtatious and flattering speech. While some men (some would argue 'a lot of men') have "no game" at all.

In my experiences (most of my comments are based on my experiences), the most effective approach for a man to take is the one that will be best received by the woman based on her particular taste. In other words, you could more simply say, "birds of a feather flock together". Let's say, for example, you are attending an after hours social event at a bar/restaurant where the majority of people there appear to be working professionals dressed in suits or business casual attire. A woman there would most likely be turned off by a man who tried to step to her using the "gangsta" approach. In this setting, a man should properly introduce himself by giving his real name (at least his first name; no crazy nicknames), extend his hand for a gracious handshake and use an effective ice-breaker tactic like bringing up the latest current events. Mature, professional ladies love a man that can carry a great conversation, doesn't totally center the topic of conversation around himself, has a non-corny sense of humor, .....and for crying out loud can ya SMILE fellas? A smile at just the right time can be contagious and will lighten the atmosphere. The key word is personality. Making a personality connection is essential in making a favorable impression on a man or a woman.

Now, let's hear your thoughts on this. Click on the word "COMMENTS" below to leave your input. Remember, all comments are encouraged and welcomed, but please keep them within the blog guidelines. Thanks!

Welcome to the Relationship Blogspot!

Happy 2009! Yes, ladies and gentlemen: the man who brought you the political spin blog is now gonna blog on many aspects about male-female relationships. I feel this subject will generate some heightened interest and hopefully some big responses.

Now, let me just lay out some ground rules up front so everyone knows what is and isn't acceptable in this blog. No relevant topic is off limits, however, please be sure any comments made are applicable to the topic. Please be respectful to the host and your fellow bloggers - DO NOT make personal attack comments to other blog members. We will be talking about "grown folks" subjects so feel free to be liberal with language, but please do not use excessive profanity and/or vulgarity. If things seem to be getting out of hand, then comments will be subject to modification or deletion at the discretion of the blog host.

Bottom line is: this is the NO DRAMA ZONE. Leave the drama at the door! Let's have fun discussing relationship topics without getting on each others nerves. I am always open for topic suggestions at any time. Please pass the word about this so we can liven up the conversation. Thank you for your interest and participation!