The Mistress Gets Richer

Families spend more time together during the holiday season (here defined as any time between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day) than any other time during the calendar year.  One of the highlights of this time period is the gift giving process.  Everyone, especially young children, is excited to see what "Santa Claus" (there may be young kids reading this!) put under the tree for them. 

Wives may be excited to see what their husbands thought to get for them.  However, they may really be intrigued if they found out some other items the man bought - gifts for his mistress.  Click on the following link to read an article in the NY Daily News about how much more some men spend on their mistresses than on their wives:
http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/2010/12/13/2010-12-13_mistresses_get_more_lavish_holiday_gifts_than_wives_survey_shows.html
Of course, one prevelant reason for this is men's lack of faith in monogomous relationships and obsession with having multiple women in their arsenal regardless of the man's marital status.  It could also be a control issue or a case of bragging rights amongst male colleagues. 

But, how does the wife factor into this equation?  Here is an example:  a begrudging wife plus a disgruntled husband equals a very satisfied mistress.  Ladies:  you think you have enough of a strangle hold on your marriage that you don't believe your husband will stray away to find happiness elsewhere?  You may need to evaluate your overall relationship status and step your game up to prevent your man from glamorizing another woman with lavish gifts and praise while leaving you with the scraps. 

As always, we want to hear from you!  Click the word COMMENTS below to leave your response.  You DO NOT have to give your name or any login info to leave comments on the blogspot.  Hit me up on Facebook (Dave Jerrido) and watch for the video on YouTube.  Thank you!

The Beauty Intimidation Factor

In a previous post, we discussed the reasons why men shy away from dating and/or marrying professional women.  Right now, we want to focus on a specific point somewhat related to this topic.  Consider the above mentioned professional woman who has just about everything going for her (well-educated, good job/career, own house, own car, etc.).  You want to make an attempt to inititate casual communication with this woman, but when you look at her, you mind just goes:  "She is drop dead gorgeous!  There's no way she is single.  If she is, why?"  You also may ask yourself, "Am I wasting my time trying to talk with this woman?  What would she see in me?  Am I up to her standards?" 

I am choosing to call this the Beauty Intimidation Factor (BIF).  How does BIF come into play when trying to make a move on a woman?  Ladies:  have you ever felt this way when trying to talk to a man?  Or, do you consider yourself in this category and feel you have had men not talk to you because of the BIF?  Should men just "man-up", overcome their fears and step up to the plate?  All men aren't really like this, or are they?  We need to hear your responses.  Click on the word COMMENTS below to leave your feedback. 

Convenient Acquaintances

You have individuals of the opposite gender at work, school or even church that you associate with regularly, but rarely see outside of that standard environment. When you do run into this individual (in a "non-standard" environment such as the supermarket or at the mall), you just happen to be with your mate/spouse, but for some reason you do not speak to this person.  You make clear eye contact with each other so you know pretty much for sure who that person is, but you still refrain from verbally acknowledging their presence. What is the reason for this?  Seems convenient to have this person as an acquaintance at work or school, but once you get around your spouse/mate and go out in public, you do not seem to have any other "acquaintances".  Is this normal behavior?  We need to hear from you on this issue. Please click on "COMMENTS" below to give your feedback.  You can leave an anonymous response if you wish.  Check me out on Facebook as well.

Liberal Girlfriends, Conservative Wives

To me, it is no secret that today's woman is more ambitious, more forthright, more intelligent, more confident and more zealous than ever before. Most women today do not allow themselves to be shut out of pursuing the "American Dream". Savvy, goal-oriented women possess all the tools or can obtain the adequate resources to turn any dream into a reality. You see more women today with their own houses (plural), their own cars (plural), investments, business ventures, etc. Ironically, it seems that a disproportionate number of these women are single (either never been married or divorced).


A successful single woman with just about everything going for her makes you want to ask the question, "Why is she single?" We've already talked about how men are many times intimidated by well-to-do professional women. These men run from the notion of a woman making more money and having more status than him. Some women, tired of continuously seeing men shy away from them, begin a more aggressive pursuit of the right man for them. When she finally "catches" who she feels is the ideal man for her, seems like she all of a sudden opens up the floodgates of her possessions to him in order to keep him. Let's analyze this.


First, let's clarify that we are currently talking about a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship (we will deal with the husband-wife relationship later on). The characteristics and personality traits of this man along with his stable career path and potential leadership capabilities make him extremely compatible to this now joyous woman. Similar to a fisherman catching that rare prize fish, the woman wants to do everything she can to appease this man and keep him around. She may let him drive her car; she'll pay for meals; she'll let him stay over at her house and here's the biggie: she'll just about do anything in the "bedroom" (use your imagination; I'm trying to keep this article clean!). Seems like nothing is off limits with the girlfriend.

Things are going so well with this couple that the man makes the ultimate decision and pops the big question to which the woman ecstatically accepts. They walk the aisle (jump the broom), go on the romantic honeymoon and finally settle down together in the house. Somewhere down the line, the transformation begins with the woman. For some reason, she is not as generous with her possessions as she was before; she does not cook meals as much anymore and here's the biggie: she got "bedroom time" virtually on lockdown! What happened? Now that you have the man legally committed to you, you don't feel obligated to share yourself with him anymore? How are you going to be sporadic in giving your husband some conjugal time and then expect him not to have an affair? Bottom line: How come you had your legs and lips open as a girlfriend, but your legs and lips closed as a wife?

What are your thoughts on this? Please click on the word COMMENTS below and give us your thoughts. After you type your comment in the box, drill down to "Anonymous" and your comment will post after approval. Thank you for your participation!

"Halle Berry" or "The Lady Next Door"?

Many a man dreams of just meeting a beautiful, high-profile female celebrity like Halle Berry. If you ever attended an event where she was a guest, you'd see the "Marry me Halle" signs all over the place. Now, how many of these men would actually want to marry a Halle Berry and what would be the motivation for this?

Halle Berry's role in the movie "Monster's Ball" gave the noted actress heightened credence and made her even that more acceptable and attractive to a great number of men, particularly white men. Now, as much as marrying someone like a Halle Berry may seem like a dream come true, in reality it could turn into a devilish nightmare. The lure of the fame and fortune can overshadow all the baggage she can introduce into a new relationship. Berry has been divorced twice, so what makes you think "the third time will be the charm"? Let's not forget that the media will have cameras and microphones all in your face day and night. Plus, if you want to marry her strictly for the money, that does not make you much of a real man. Bottom line, in my opinion, Halle Berry is overrated especially in terms of being a long-term mate.

So, let's talk about the "lady next door". She is your everyday, professional-style woman with a solid job/career; very confident in herself and knows what she wants. Here is someone that if you invest time in her, she will do the same for you and both of you can build a solid relationship. If her past personal life is stable, there should be very little drama to deal with. Here is a key point: similar to "Halle Berry", the professional woman may make more money than you, but are you going to let that factor intimidate you and influence your relationship decision making? Women are looking for men who can provide not just the tangibles (material things), but can provide more of the intangibles (emotional and intellectual companionship).

So, what would you choose? Let's hear from you! Please click on the word COMMENTS below and give us your thoughts.

Separate Vacations

As the summer season rapidly approaches, many families prepare to take that long awaited break from work, from school, from daily home life. Popular vacation destinations include the beach, the mountains, an amusement park, maybe a cruise or a cross country trip in a recreational vehicle. But, here's the question: how many of you actually feel like you need a break from your family? Sure, you love spending time with your spouse and children whenever possible; but do you ever get the urge for some prolonged "me time"? Is there really anything inherently wrong with taking a vacation with your friends or even by yourself? Ladies: how many of you have longed for that Jamaican get-away with the girls; Men: how many of you wish you could take that deep-sea fishing trip with the fellas?

Let's hear what you think! Please click on COMMENTS below and let's continue the conversation.

What's his is mine, but what's mine may not be his

Ladies: Your husband has worked hard all his life and has a good job with benefits. He has a healthy life insurance policy which he entrusts to you upon his death as you would expect. Your husband truly wants the best for you and your children in the unfortunate event he departs from this life in sudden fashion.

Now, you also have contingency benefits such as life insurance, short-term/long-term disability, etc. You feel the same way about having the best for your children, but for some reason, you do not totally feel the same way about your husband. This is evident from hearing statements such as: “I ain’t leaving him nothing!”; “All my money is going to my kids!”. What is the reasoning for this? What has this man done so wrong to you that you’re basically going to leave him high and dry in the event of your sudden death? If he has done something to you that you feel has hurt you that bad, then why are you still married to him now? This is puzzling! Ladies, please help me out! Please leave your responses below; let’s hear your comments.

Reconciling with the Mistress

The husband has an affair. The mistress wants to reconcile with the wife. If you are the wife, how do you handle this delicate situation that can easily become explosive? We want to hear ALL points of view on this one! Please leave comments below. Thanks!

Sex Does Not Always Mean Intimacy

***WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT***

Seemingly, men and women show their expressions of love in very different fashions. On average, more women utilize their emotions while men rely more on physical expressions of love. Women possess more of an ability to tap into their emotions and extract intimacy into their relationships. Therefore, women place more value on intimacy as an important companionship component.

Now, not all women fit this category. In fact, some women (maybe more than many may think) prefer to express intimacy similar to the majority of men which is through explicit sexual contact. Instead of a romantically written letter or some cuddle up time in the bed, some believe excessive clitoral and/or vaginal stimulation or a climactic explosion of semen is the way to express intimacy to their mate. Is a 10-inch long, 2-inch thick penis or dildo really an adequate substitute for a gentle whisper of "sweet nothings" in your ear while cuddled up on the sofa on a cold winter evening? You can get your freak on; smackin' up, flippin' it, rubbin' and strokin' whatever you like; and "bang bang bang" all night until you sweat off 5 pounds, but you have to invest some quality time and be really creative in order to show your mate your true intimate side.

So, what's your take on this? We wanna hear from you. Click on the word "COMMENTS" below and let's continue the conversation.

Silence or Arguments: Which is more golden?

You are having a discussion with your spouse/mate. Words and feelings are being exchanged and in the process, the conversation becomes heated. You are determined to get your point across and to make your feelings known - in great and intricate detail. When you finish expressing your thoughts, you turn to your mate looking for a response, but receive nothing but utter silence. You pause for a moment and may think, "He/she has nothing to say?; Why are they looking at me like I'm crazy?; Are they ignoring me?; Do they even care?"

There is an old adage that says, "silence is golden". This may be applicable in certain situations such as not responding to someone who is making disagreeable remarks about an issue; especially if you are at work or in a place where it would be awkward or uncomfortable to start a debate. However, many will agree that communication is a key element in maintaining a successful relationship. Instead of remaining silent and keeping all that vent up frustration inside until you reach the boiling point, your mate would rather see you express your feelings more immediately, even if it is in an argumentative fashion, so they'll know what is going on in your head and in your heart. Then, after the argument, when things simmer down a bit, you may be surprised to get a little post-argument make-up "treat" (bang bang bang).

When it comes to communication with your mate, silence is not golden but rather it is yellow like the color of piss. If your mate gives you the silent treatment during an argument, it feels like you are being pissed on. Now, let's hear your responses. Please click on the "COMMENTS" below and continue the conversation. All points of view welcome and encouraged. Thanks!

Is the grass really greener over there?

You are in a long-term committed relationship with your spouse or your mate and everything seems to be going great; except there is that one thing about that person that just isn't quite the same. It could be their looks, their personality, their self-esteem (confidence level); it could even be their religion or their political affiliation.

Some things change about individuals as relationships grow and develop. Some changes are more radical than others. What is the best way to handle these relationship changes? It depends on the type of change and how extreme it is. If one truly values his/her relationship with their spouse/mate, they will invest additional time working on the emotional, intellectual and mental aspects in order to adequately manage those relationship changes. Notice I said, "manage the changes" and not "change the person". Attempting to change the person will cause a larger rift which will be even more difficult to mend. If you meet someone and your intention is to change them to the way you want them, you may be asking for big trouble down the line.

Now, to address our topic, some people decide to handle relationship change by changing mates thinking, "There has to be someone out there better." This may be true in addressing the issues you had with your former mate, but now that you have a new mate, you now have a whole new set of issues to deal with. Some of the grass may be greener, but some of the weeds may be taller and thicker. Do you think it is more worthwhile to stay and work it out, or should all opportunities be explored? Let's hear your thoughts! Please click on the word COMMENTS below to leave a response.

Valentine's Day Hangover

How can I have a relationships blog without mentioning something about Valentine's Day? Well, now that the big day has past, let's briefly talk about the build-up and the aftermath.

Valentine's Day ranks among the top 3 greeting card holidays in terms of sales. Other items that generate high dollar sales for Valentine's Day are chocolates, flowers, balloons and restaurant meals. Intimate apparel also attracts attention. Some people go all out to impress their special someone sparing no expense; while others could really care less about receiving cards, flowers, gifts and waiting hours in line for a seat at a local restaurant. From some of the feedback I have received personally, I dare say home pizza delivery business was booming this past Saturday.

Some people take the Valentine's Day opportunity to privately renew their marriage vows; while others conversely break up with their mates right before the holiday to avoid the affectionate expenditures. Well, now that the chocolates have been devoured; the balloons have lost air; the flowers are wilting and the restaurant leftovers have invaded the refrigerator, where do you go from here? What was your incentive for buying those gifts and making those reservations at the restaurants and hotels? Was spending all that money a wise investment in the long term health of your relationship; or did you just get caught up in the vast commercialism of the holiday?

Let's hear your comments! Please click on the word COMMENTS below and give us your take on this. Again, you may leave an anonymous response if you choose. Thanks!

Men's Fear of Rejection

Ladies: you meet a man at a club, bar, restaurant, etc.; you initiate conversation with him and just at the moment you express some interest in him, he seems to get very nervous, he stutters over his speech, seems to become clumsy and just overall falls apart. What is that all about? Are men really so scared of rejection that they lose their composure then they feel they find an ideal woman? Let's examine this topic for a few moments.

Some of this reasoning refers back to items mentioned in a previous post. The ego factor is a major contributor in assessing men's behavior around women. In the man's mind, he feels the need to display to the woman that he knows how to handle his business and can take care of her as well. In the process, he wants to make sure all his "i's are dotted and t's are crossed" thus, the subsequent nervousness surfaces.

Now, let's take a look at the woman's perspective on this. Women tend to subtly be detail-oriented when it comes to examining men. For example, they will ask questions to themselves like: "Is his hair neatly groomed? Is he color-coordinated? Are his shoes clean/new? Does he wear brand-name clothing? Does he have all his teeth? Is his breath bad?" etc. Some women will even go as far as check to see if the man has a "bulge" sufficient enough to suit their taste. Although all these questions are visually asked within a few seconds, when a man feels like he is being thoroughly checked out, that's when the nerves kick into high gear and it becomes an all-out attempt to keep that woman from saying "no".

What is your take on this? Please click on the word "COMMENTS" below and let's continue the conversation. All points of view are welcomed and encouraged. Reminder: you can leave an anonymous comment if you choose. Thanks!

Friends of the Opposite Gender

If you are in a marriage or committed relationship, where do you draw the line in terms of how your mate can interact with members of the opposite gender?

Reasons Why Men Shy Away from Professional Women

Ladies: how many of you fit in this category: You're single; you own a home (or pay your own rent) and a vehicle; you have at least a Bachelor's Degree from a major college or university; you either own your own business or are traveling a successful career path; you have excellent credit; you have never been in trouble with the law and you do not abuse drugs but yet - you find it extremely difficult to find a good man who is willing to date you. So, what exactly is the problem here? What's wrong with professional women that they cannot find a man willing to date them? Is it really the woman's fault? (*pause*) Or is it the man's fault? Let's briefly look at four reasons men may not approach a strong professional woman.

Insecurity. Because most professional women possess an abundance of confidence in themselves, this causes some men to lose confidence that they can make a significant impression on the woman. A woman wants a man who has enough confidence to take care of himself and make his woman feel secure as well.

Intimidation. Established women strike a certain amount of fear into some men to the point that the man will prejudge the woman by thinking, "She'll try to run all over me and tell me what to do! It's not happening." Sometimes this is caused merely by the woman's possessions.

Incompatibility. Since most professional women already have the "tangible" life items (the house, car, income, etc.), many women are looking for the "intangible" items from the man (emotional, intellectual and interpersonal stimulation, etc.). Proper physical stimulation is important as well, but that does not solely refer to aggressive sexual contact. Many men believe sexual assertiveness will win the woman over. If all the man has is bedroom skills but nothing else to offer, a smart woman would not start a relationship with this type of man (key word: a smart woman).

Inferiority. The man will feel less of a man if he does not meet up to the standards of the woman. She has a master's degree, he has a bachelor's degree or less; she drives a BMW or Lexus, he drives a compact car or is on the bus; she has a huge home, he has a smaller house, rents an apartment or lives with his mama. All these factors contribute to an inferiority complex in the man and can cause a decrease in his self-esteem.

I call this the "I-centered" philosophy because men have a tendency to focus a relationship around themselves and not adequately include the woman as part of the conversation. Men, I think you need to step your game up and stop trying to win the ladies over with the "gangsta thug" mentality. The strong, smart, professional women are not going for it. Now, we want your spin on this. All supporting and opposing points of view are welcomed and encouraged. Please click on the word "COMMENTS" below.

Seeing Beyond "Sexy"; What are you saying?

This is a spin-off from the "proper introduction" post down below. In recent conversations with some of my female colleagues, it seems that a great number of men these ladies meet for the first time have a tremendous failure to communicate. Apparently, none of these men read my post on how to make a proper introduction. Of course, my idea of a proper introduction may be too "professional" for their taste. Instead, I am being told the first thing that comes out of the guy's mouth is: "Damn, you sexy!" (or some rendition thereof).

Using introductory statements and phrases that refer to a woman's sex appeal and/or to her superior body (private) parts portrays an intention of immediately pursuing sexual relations even though there has been very little verbal communication other than, "Damn, you sexy!" or "Damn, you gotta phat booty." This is so inappropriate! Again, fellas, let's start with a "hello" or "hi" followed by your name and some sane type of ice-breaker conversation that does not have any sexual overtones. If you start off the interaction in the incorrect manner, you will doom the relationship and it will never get started. Ladies, if you run into guys that feed you this crap, keep it moving!

All supporting and opposing points of view are welcomed and encouraged. Please click on the word "COMMENTS" below.

Acceptable on the First Date

OK, now that we have properly introduced ourselves to each other, let's go ahead and set up the first date. The first date is the toughest one because you are still in that introductory phase of the relationship and there are still some impressions to be made. Although you want things to be really nice, you shouldn't go "all out" on the first date because if you do, your bar will be set so high it will be tough to beat on the next go-round. Plus, you may prematurly give off a commitment vibe to your partner.

Start off with a lunch date at a family friendly, medium priced restaurant (Applebees, Chili's, T.G.I. Friday, etc.). Avoid the fast-food joints! You can start with a light appetizer - something the two of you can share. I would not recommend alcoholic beverages, but if you are over 21, use your discretion but I would advise against excessive drinking on the first date. For your entree, order something in line with a lunch menu item. Depending on who asked whom out on the date will determine who should pay the tab. Now, fellas, if you really like this woman and want to make a positive impression, you will offer to pay the whole tab even if she is the one who asked you on the date. Think about it: if you really don't like her, then why did you go out on the date in the first place?

If things seem to be going well, be sure to exchange contact information (phone numbers, email, etc.) so you can make arrangements for the next date. The next date can be more extravagant, but we will talk about that later. Make sure the lady gets home safely, give her a soft kiss on the cheek and let her know you look forward to talking with her again soon.

So, what is NOT acceptable on the first date: excessive alcohol, loud and lewd behavior and offers for sex. Remember, this is my take on this - I'm married and haven't been on a first date in quite some time. We want to hear your take on this topic. To reply, please click on the word "COMMENTS" below and let's hear your spin.

Making an Effective Introduction

Since this is the first post to this blog, I thought it would be appropriate to begin with an "introductory" type topic. Many of you have heard the expression: "First impressions are lasting impressions". This is truly applicable when it comes to individuals introducing themselves to other for the first time; in particular, men initially introducing themselves to women. In some circles, this process is referred to as "stepping to". Different men use various methods when they are about to "step to" a lady. Some men attempt to impress women with a rough-style approach by utilizing a thuggish "gangsta" appearance; while others have a smooth and suave approach which encompasses a combination of a confident swagger along with flirtatious and flattering speech. While some men (some would argue 'a lot of men') have "no game" at all.

In my experiences (most of my comments are based on my experiences), the most effective approach for a man to take is the one that will be best received by the woman based on her particular taste. In other words, you could more simply say, "birds of a feather flock together". Let's say, for example, you are attending an after hours social event at a bar/restaurant where the majority of people there appear to be working professionals dressed in suits or business casual attire. A woman there would most likely be turned off by a man who tried to step to her using the "gangsta" approach. In this setting, a man should properly introduce himself by giving his real name (at least his first name; no crazy nicknames), extend his hand for a gracious handshake and use an effective ice-breaker tactic like bringing up the latest current events. Mature, professional ladies love a man that can carry a great conversation, doesn't totally center the topic of conversation around himself, has a non-corny sense of humor, .....and for crying out loud can ya SMILE fellas? A smile at just the right time can be contagious and will lighten the atmosphere. The key word is personality. Making a personality connection is essential in making a favorable impression on a man or a woman.

Now, let's hear your thoughts on this. Click on the word "COMMENTS" below to leave your input. Remember, all comments are encouraged and welcomed, but please keep them within the blog guidelines. Thanks!